My Daughter – My Friend (Part 2)

(circa 1994-2003)

From baby, to girl, to teenager, to adult, to friend … a gradual transformation … so gradual, yet so profound. It wasn’t instantaneous. I don’t know when it actually happened. No longer was I, the mother, taking care of my little girl, training her, encouraging her, disciplining her. Now I was asking her opinion about life, how I should handle certain situations, fashion advice. Shannon had become my friend.

But getting to that point was quite a process…

A TATTOO – REALLY?

When Shannon was a little girl, she was pretty compliant, at least as far as I was aware. However, over the years she had learned the fine art of deception, unbeknownst to me, and by the time she turned 18 she had become quite proficient.

One day we were both in her room and she was changing clothes. Suddenly I noticed something on her butt and asked her what it was. She jumped back and tried to cover it up but eventually the reality was revealed. Exercising her newfound status as an adult, she had gotten a tattoo! It was a small heart with a rose and “Jesus” written on it. Now, how do I, as a mother, react to THAT? I didn’t like tattoos, but I loved the thought behind it. And its placement? (Sigh…) Oh well, I concluded, at least her heart was in the right place(?!?)

JOBS

When Shannon turned 16 we gave her Bill’s old Ford Ranger work truck, along with the responsibility of providing her own gas, maintenance and insurance. And so she realized she needed a job. McDonald’s was a likely place to work for a 16 year old and that’s where her career began. She tolerated it well except for the pungent aroma of French fry oil permeating her clothing. (And she never wants to eat a Big Mac again, as long as she lives.) But we benefitted from her job, getting free burgers.

One day as she was at the counter, a guy came up to her and produced what looked like a gun underneath his jacket. He ordered her to empty the cash register. Shannon complied and, keeping a cool head, asked him, “Would you like that in a bag?” He ran out of the store (without the bag) and Shannon called the police who soon arrested the guy. Turns out his “gun” was a hair brush. However, Shannon didn’t know that at the time and throughout the ordeal, remained calm.

Her next job was at Kay Jewelers – a definite improvement over McDonald’s. We benefitted from her employment there too. There is a HUGE markup on jewelry and when you get it for cost, it’s remarkably inexpensive. So we were able to buy a few pieces of genuine jewelry.

Shannon worked her way up in the store to be Assistant Manager. She did enjoy her work there, until the company started taking advantage of their employees. Morale plummeted and her co-workers were very unhappy. And so Shannon (such a trouble-maker) incited a walkout. The night before Easter everyone, including the manager quit. Shannon locked up the store, called the district supervisor and informed him of the decision, leaving him to take care of the fallout.

Shannon’s next job was at an eye doctor where I got my exams and contacts for free. Then she worked at a legal practice where we benefitted from drafting a will for us that was at a greatly reduced price. When she moved to Phoenix and worked for an investment company, we were able to transfer our funds for free. Yes, Shannon’s jobs certainly have benefitted us.

BOYFRIENDS

Boyfriends … that’s when you hold your breath and pray – when your precious daughter is now in the care of some hormonal teenage boy. You just pray that your daughter’s choices are wise and that she is strong enough to stand up for her principles. That’s when all your care and guidance and love are put to the ultimate test.

I must admit there were a few boys with which I really had to hold my breath and pray – and not say a critical or even cautionary word. Had I done so, with Shannon’s stubborn nature, it likely would have backfired. No, she had to come to her own conclusions. And, thankfully, she wisely did – and I was able to breathe again.

And then there were a few boys that I really liked. I could have even imagined them becoming my son-in-law. But, alas, when they broke up, my heart would break. If “breaking up is hard to do” for your daughter, it’s almost as hard on her parents.

ONE VERY SPECIAL GUY

But then there was one boy … Every year Shannon would go to Disneyland over spring break and take some friends with her. One year Shannon, her girlfriend and 3 guys went. Shannon had never met one of the guys before the trip but Disneyland was a great place to get to know each other. When she returned home we asked her about the trip. Eventually when she told us about “Gabe”, there was a special little twinkle in her eye. Hmmm…

It was time to invite him to dinner. I decided beforehand that I was NOT going to get attached to this one because it hurt me too much when they would break up. Bill was, of course, skeptical. And poor Gabe was shaking in his boots.

The evening began with introductions and we tried to make Gabe feel as comfortable as possible. As the evening progressed and Gabe told us about himself – that he worked as a boat mechanic and that his father was a contractor and that Gabe grew up helping him build houses, Bill’s skepticism crumbled. He liked this guy – and so did I (but I was still determined to NOT get attached to him).

Shannon & Gabe began to date and Gabe gradually became part of our family. One day he showed up at church and eventually gave his heart to the Lord. That was it … my defenses crashed. Shannon loved him and, doggone it, so did I.

During that time I was the Church Administrator at Trinity Heights United Methodist Church. We needed a property manager so Gabe decided to apply – and was hired – and I became his supervisor. What a great way to get to know your future son-in-law! However, it did come with challenges, especially enduring Gabe’s compulsion to tease me. He would sneak up behind me and give me “wet willies” or flip the lever on my desk chair to make me plummet downward. I’d get angry (but secretly I really did enjoy it. Shhh … don’t tell Gabe).

A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING

Gabe was always a gentleman and treated Shannon like a princess. When it came time to propose marriage, he took Bill out to dinner first, to get his “permission” (which he had already had months before, in our hearts, but now it was official). He then took Shannon to Disneyland. In the moonlight, by the castle pond, lights twinkling in the water’s reflection, swans swimming in lazy circles, Gabe romantically got down on his knee and asked her to marry him. However, she never actually said “yes”. Instead, she just burst into tears, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. So we’re still wondering if her answer was “yes”.

Now it was time to plan a wedding! It was to be June 14, 2003 at 4:00 pm. Shannon wanted it to be outside on the front lawn of the church so she could go barefoot and feel the grass between her toes. (Yes, a barefoot bride.) She wanted to serve only cake and mints and punch at the reception. I argued that if you have a wedding at 4pm you have to serve dinner. But, we couldn’t afford a big sit-down dinner. What were we going to do?

As we contemplated the dilemma, Gabe came up with a brilliant idea: PIZZA (and salads)! We could have the DJ play Dean Martin’s “When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie, That’s Amore” and, on cue, the pizza delivery guys would march in, pizzas held high in the air. Problem solved!

And so, the much-anticipated day arrived. Barefoot and beautiful Shannon, dressed in her custom-made wedding dress, made her way down the grassy aisle, arm-in-arm with her dad, who lovingly placed her hand in Gabe’s. Everything went off without a hitch, except for Shannon’s maid of honor passing out. After reviving her, the ceremony continued and the event was a resounding success. The pizza delivery guys (actually, girls) arrived right on cue as everyone joined in singing along with Dean Martin. After the toasts and dancing and cake-cutting, the happy newlyweds drove off in our friend’s 1953 Pontiac convertible to begin their honeymoon.

Our little girl was now a married woman (but the question still looms: she never really did say “yes”). It happened oh, so fast – not only the wedding but the 24 years leading up to it.

Where was that little girl who cuddled up to me on cold, snowy nights or laughed as she twirled in dizzying circles? So many poignant snapshots are forever etched on my heart: the autumn sun shining through an aspen tree, kissing her golden curls, her jubilant laughter as she raised her hands in a summer monsoon rainstorm or snowflakes gracing her pink cheeks or her sweet smile as she tenderly cradled her rabbit’s newborn bunnies. That little girl was still there, yet was now living inside a lovely woman. And that woman had given her heart to a wonderful young man. It was heartbreakingly sweet.

We were now officially empty-nesters – and I was EXHAUSTED. The whole experience was so much fun. We weren’t striving for a perfect wedding – we just wanted to have fun – and we did. (BUT, I determined that I never, ever, ever want to do that again!)

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I not only love my daughter … I admire and respect her too. She has accomplished so much. She is the first in our family to graduate from college (Northern Arizona University, with a BS in Public Relations) and was also one of the youngest people to obtain the highest award you can achieve in Toastmasters International. But more than that, she loves Jesus and her spontaneity to follow his “nudges” is truly inspiring. She loves to meet people and become their lifelong friend, and has the gift of helping people whenever they need it.

Does it sound funny to say that when I grow up, I want to be just like my daughter?