A Mountain Paradise

(circa 1985-88)

We were in paradise! The summer air was so fresh, the sky was so blue and the intoxicating scent of ponderosa pine trees wafted in the gentle breeze. A spectacular vista of the San Francisco Peaks was spread out before us. The forest surrounded our neighborhood on three sides, beckoning us to explore its wonders.

We had an old 1966 cobalt blue “Shoebox” Bronco that was four-wheel drive – perfect for exploring. Forest Service roads spread everywhere throughout the forest and we spent days driving on them, over boulders, through deep ruts, splashing through mud puddles and getting caked with dust. It was glorious! I would pack picnic lunches, spread out a blanket in a flower-covered meadow and soak in the beauty of God’s creation. Sometimes we would lie on the ground beneath towering aspen trees, watching the leaves shimmer in a summer breeze, against an azure blue sky.

CHANGING SEASONS

And then fall would come, changing the aspen trees into brilliant yellow. The forest was transformed. The trees became a canopy of gold, dappling the gold-carpeted forest floor with splashes of sun reflecting off their stark white trunks, a sharp contrast to the nearby dark green ponderosa pines.

One fall day, after a drenching rain storm, we ventured out on another exploration in our little Bronco. Right in the middle of the road there was a huge mud puddle. Bill put the car in four-wheel drive and slowly drove through it, emerging out the other side with only a little mud clinging to the wheel wells. However, on our return trip, Bill saw that puddle again. Unable to resist the temptation, instead of slowing down, with a maniacal twinkle in his eyes, he revved up the engine and hit the puddle going full speed. As we splashed through the puddle, everything went dark. The car was COVERED with mud! Thankfully, the windshield wipers worked and we drove the rest of the way home peering through two small clearings in the windshield.

And then, of course, winter followed. Winters in Southern California are really … boring. Some trees might lose their leaves and it might get cooler but it’s just … boring. Winters in Flagstaff, however, are spectacular – especially when the snow falls, covering everything with a soft blanket of white, causing nature to hush its chorus in reverent awe of the scene. And when the sun peeks out from behind the clouds, billions of “snow diamonds” sparkle in its brilliance. It was all such a wonderfully sharp contrast to my native Southern California experience!

Spring would come with the hope of new life – life that seemed to have died but had only been waiting for just the right time to break through the frozen, barren ground. It was such a joy to see the first tiny green shoot of a purple crocus flower against a patch of dark brown earth still covered with a patchwork of snow. Bare aspen trees that had been stripped of their leaves were now covered with tiny buds, excited to burst forth in their glorious, shimmering beauty.

One day as I was driving home from the grocery store, drinking in the beauty of our new surroundings, I prayed that I would never take this breathtaking scene for granted. God had given us a priceless gift that I would always treasure.

… BUT … HOW DO WE SURVIVE?

Regardless of the beauty surrounding us, however, the nagging question constantly remained: how are we going to make a living?

And so we began building a home maintenance business. I designed some business cards, brochures and advertisements. Bill gathered his tools together and prepared his vehicle to take them to work places. Then we prayed – and prayed – and prayed for God to send us some work. We began to get a little business here and there but it was so sporadic and seasonal – certainly not enough to make a living. Our “Season of Trust” had begun in earnest.

Our anxiety level mounted daily and it took a huge emotional toll. Bill felt like he was a failure at providing for his family. He was grateful for the rare times when he had work but languished during the long days of idleness, waiting for someone to call him with a job to do. Then God spoke to him: “I’m glad you thank me when you have work to do. However, can you thank me for the days when you don’t have any?” And that’s what Bill began to do. And he realized that he wasn’t a failure. God told us to move to Flagstaff so even though we did what we could do to get work, ultimately it was up to God to provide. It was his problem – not ours. We would have to … trust.

I will never know how we did it. Mathematically it made no sense. Our income was a pittance, yet we were always able to pay our bills on time and never went without food or clothing or other necessities. There were many lessons God had planned to teach us through this experience.

HEART QUESTIONS

One cold, snowy night I woke up with a start, my heart gripped in fear. Our house payment was due and there was no money. So I went downstairs, wrapped myself in a blanket and laid down on the couch. As I watched big flakes of snow fall, my tears began to fall too. What had we done? Had we made a huge mistake? Maybe we hadn’t heard God correctly. But … NO! I KNEW God had told us to move to Flagstaff! There was no doubt about that. Then I started to get mad at God. “What are you doing, Lord? Why aren’t you providing work? Did you move us here just to abandon us? Is this some cruel joke?” (And no, God didn’t strike me with lightning.)

Then God reminded me of a verse from 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” And so I metaphorically lifted that “weight” off of my shoulders, “threw” it at God and cried out as I sobbed, “God, here are all my problems, worries, doubts, fears – all of our financial and emotional anxieties. Take them! They are not my problem. They are YOURS! You promised to take care of us, Lord. You promised…”

Another night we were at our little home church meeting and I was sharing about our financial struggles, telling everyone how scared I was. One of the men wisely asked me, “Do you have a roof over your head … today? Do you have food on the table … today? Do you have clothes to wear … today?” I reluctantly had to answer, “Yes.” Then he reminded me of a verse from Matthew 6:34a: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself…” Those words shut me up and have come back to remind me at just the right times ever since. They have taught me to be grateful for what I have today and not worry about tomorrow.

When will I ever learn? As soon as I give my worries to the Lord, I take them back – and then have to give them back all over again. Maybe someday I won’t take them back. But it’s good to remember how God has taken care of us – how faithful he has always been. He really does provide everything that we need.